LONDON CALLING!!!!!!!!!

Dear spanish readers. Sorry for this, but I should write in english because Mr. Chorizo Man (fidelis), a guy from Cameroon, does not know spanish quite well, despite he knows many bad words( gelipollas, Gayola, joder between them). With that I'll post in english just for this time and everyone (I hope so) can understand what I am telling. If not.... http://www.elmundo.es/traductor/ (two stones)

Once upon a time a bunch of people went to Linkoping (Sweeden) to take their Orgasm Program. Everyone got laid there :) After many months they made a great group that were meeting in the UK afterwards..... And that afterwards was this past weekend. And what a weekend!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll tell you.

We were 7 persons coming from Spain( Vinzenzo direct form Algemesí, TV show man at Saber y ganar program(know and Win), Miguel Ríos direct from Bellreguard Chaperet's town, St Paul Cathedral direct from Cartagena, his brother Antoñito Flags from Cartagonova as well, and Francis well known as the "swedish" coming from the land of the best salted ham...Granada, and me). The other one was coming from Manchester, the chorizo man from Cameroon ;)

We were staying in the "Penetrator Hostel" :-) . Nobody got killed as It happens at the film hostel, In there, there were many particular persons in there. And the most particular were us ourselves. Since we came in we began farting without end at the reception desk, and nobody warned us...sure we are in London...the city of the freedom.

We arrived late thursday and St Paul cathedral, Antoñito Flags and Mr Chorizo were at king's Cross waiting for the rest, and it all got started. We went running to the hostel (tonto el último) to drink and drink(pribar pribar), and that's it, the only thing a man needs to have fun,...well and women as well. We ran out of chorizo 'cause Fidelis ate it all up and we drank all the limoncello.

The following morning we woke up one hour before as St Paul cathedral forgot to change the hour into the english one. That ended up fine so that means spanish are ahead of the english in time and we had plenty of time to visit London too. And there we went...Millenium wheel, Parliament, Trafalgar,.....Sex Shops at SOHO :) We all bought Porn films as they had great discounts.

After walking and walking we went back to O'Neills our place at St Pancras Station. What a cool place. There we met Emma, Antoñito's girlfriend as it shows the picture ;)

We had 300 beers and went to the hostel to wait for Francis the swedish. He came and then after having dinner, drinks began and the cachondeo run within our vains. Then “Pacotheswedish” joined us at night as he was caming from Madrid late. And the party began. We went to a club close to King’s Cross, and suddenly the person that was at the entrance said to Antoñito...Do you like cocks? We were surrounded by gays in a rush, and finally we decided to move into another club with great music and there were lots of black people. Great!!!! That was a totally London club as the ones we were looking for.

Laugh after laugh we all ended up at the hostel sleeping and Tomas, Sean o como coño se llame, was there with a bin besides the bed, throwing up the thousands vodkas he had during the night.

The next morning was a nightmare. Just woke up, and saw Mr. Habichuela, Bujarra (alias patada en la cabeza). A guy with descendence of Portugal…that was he said. I do not have anything against gays but that guy was pathetic. None of us could stand such fucking pain in the ass.

Then after breakfast we carried on doing tourism and went to meet for David the lemon tree and Lindberg the pilot. After a long chat and meal, remembering all things of Sweeden,we all went to Covent garden and then we prepared for the great night at the insomniac (better known by us as Antro), in wich electronic music delighted us with such a great drinks looking desesperately for women, even the ugliest and the easiest one....to be honest the only ones we wanted that night of Putiferio...but we were not lucky at all, and we lived one of the best nights ever, because London nights are different. I LOVE LONDON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Insomniac was a great place presented by Saoret from Bellreguard. He knew that place. So he stayed there for two years and never came back to Bellreguard. Logically because of the Putiferio that should be around there. ;)

After the negociation of Pacothesweedish with the Pakis (he reduced the price 2000 pounds), we took a taxi back home as It was cold and freezing, as we were still wet for the strong pourring we had before getting to the Insomniac. In there we almost had a row with some bastards from Italia. We were lucky things didn’t get worse, and todo el mundo contento.

The following day we were all massed up and had enough time to get to Candem Town Market...AMAZING as always. I am keen of watching that video in which we are alll dancing in the middle of the crow.

Before living the hostel, Mr TV Showman Vinzenzo, punched a balloon at reception that sounded likea gun shot. That was his dismissal. It was very funny!!!!!!!!!

And that was it. 3 days are not enough for knowing much of London, but they give enough to have a great time to know fantastic people who for sure I’ll miss so much.

Folks!!! Thanks for being so cool!!!!!!! I didn’t have such a great time since long.

I hope I’ll see you all soon!!!!!!!!!!

Joano Guano.

LA VIDA DEL EMIGRANTE

Qué envidia sana!!!!!!!!!!. Acabo de ver un reportaje de los emigrantes españoles durante la última mitad del siglo pasado... qué historias, que gente, que vidas. La verdad es que desde aquí lo vemos desde otra perspectiva, mucho más cómoda, enclaustrados en una vida fácil (gracias a nuestros padres los currantes todo hay que decirlo), y nacidos en una época de expansión económica y que hoy en día se nos conoce como los nuevos ricos españoles. Yo la verdad es que nuevo rico sinceramente no lo soy, pero que vivo como quiero sí que es cierto.

Pero ahora bien, ese vivo como quiero, es realmente relativo. Qué hay de esas historias que he oído durante este reportaje? Esa gente que tuvo que emigrar sin nada a Argentina a buscarse la vida? Por cierto qué país tan acogedor. Toda la gente alaba la increíble hospitalidad de aquél gran país. Realmente somos igual en Españá? y es que aquí la mayoría de gente cuando habla de la inmigración, lo primero es que se les erizan los pelos pensando...qué será de este país? hasta donde hemos llegado? vienen a robarnos el trabajo!!! este país está degenerando!!!!

Por favor, hay que hacer un poco de reflexión y ver lo que Argentina ha hecho con los nuestros cuando tenían problemas. No solo mirarnos en los espejos, viendo la ropa de Zara que nos acabamos de comprar, o mirándonos esos cuerpos de cuando venimos de hacer aquagym, spinning chungo , o pesas, o de hinflarnos con ciclos para medir unos cuantos centímetros más.

Hasta donde hemos llegado!!!!!!!!! La verdad es que este país ha cambiado muchísimo y no estaría mal de más pensar que mucha gente de la cual nos rodeamos, debería salir más y ver la gente que hay por el mundo, o a veces sin ir más lejos fijarnos en la historia de nuestros antepasados y lo mal que lo pasaron.

Mi cabeza da vueltas pensando en los comentarios de esta gente, y de lo que vivieron a más de 7000 kms. de distancia. Muchos se quedaron en aquél país y no volvieron por lo bien que fueron recibidos, por aquella tierra, por su gente...por todo. Y no es por esto que lo de aquí sea peor ni mucho menos...simplemente les envidio por la gran experiencia que eso les supuso vivir, y es justamente lo que aquí no se encuentra hoy en día, y es que tan solo pensamos en esperar que llegue el fin de semana para pillarnos el primer pedo, salir de fiesta para ver a cuatro pedorras vestidas de D&G que se creen que son las reinas del mambo y que te miran por encima del hombro simplemente porque no eres ni de lejos un metrosexual, vas con un fiesta y vistes en plan chungo.... QUE GENTE!!!!!!!!!!!!. Y lo más triste es que esta gente es de la cual estamos rodeados día a a día. Comemos con ellos, convivimos con ellos., y al final quien se junta con un cojo... pero bueno tratamos de que se nos pegue lo menos posible y tenemos siempre la ilusión de que alguna vez podamos vivir al menos un tercio de las experiencias que han vivido estos emigrantes, tan gratificantes, tan tristes, tan alegres,...en definitiva tan personales y tan únicas.

Tras desvariar un rato mi mente y haberos hecho perder un poco el tiempo con mis locuras mentales, gracias por haber leído este absurdo de este pobre infeliz y a la vez exigente de la vida.

Un saludo

Joano